The performance begun with me wearing a red dress and no shoes as I moved through the gallery space. I picked up a one pound bag of Domino brand sugar from a pile of seven bags (one bag for each person I have been in love with). I then moved to the center of the room where I opened the bag carefully so as to not rip the paper. I poured out the sugar while in a squat position, making eye contact with the audience the entire time. The bag was then placed next to the pile of sugar. This action was repeated for each bag. Once all of the bags were empty I slowly lowered myself onto my knees before collapsing into the accumulated sugar. I performed several gestures while in the pile including: burying my face in the pile, rolling around, twisting and contorting my body into a backbend (with my fingers in my mouth) and finally slamming my knees against the ground while on all fours. I concluded the performance by sitting on my knees in the pile while making eye contact with the audience and breathing. I then stood and thanked the audience.
I created this piece to address my past sexual and emotional trauma through ritual and gesture. I chose to appear in a dress as an affirmation of my ongoing exploration of my gender identity and sexuality. I utilized sugar as a nod to the saying “that boy has sugar in his tank” a reference to a boy being homosexual or effeminate. The movements were generated over several months during an improvised movement course in which I was enrolled. During the performance I reconnect with my trauma and through ritual and movement am able to achieve a more visceral and bodily processing of these past events.