First instructing the Diners to continually inflate balloons until they burst, I recount a series of fails from my own life over the soundtrack of an “Epic Fails Compilation” found on Youtube. I perform half of these in Part 1, and the remainder at a later date in Part 2. Each contains fails of a confessional nature. Performed with the participation of the Diners at the fifteenth occasion of D!N DINS, one of an ongoing series of sonorous dinner party happenings in my studio at Acme’s Fire Station.