My body, a noose. I hang by its weight. I work to explicate the effects. “REmade” is a continuation of a series that uses DSM diagnostic criteria to generate performance scores as a means of re/de/contextualizing the pathologizing discourse of madness and inviting affective investigation of neuroqueer bodies within late-capitalism. Using the criteria for Body Dysmorphic Disorder, I confront the obsessive and violent thoughts I have against my own body. I am overwhelmed by the narcissistic impulse that emerges from the abject; to confront the “me that is not me;” to make my body, in its monstrosity, an object of reflective desire; to emerge as a figure of surreal grace.
I enter the space wearing a plain, white mask, carrying a mirror and a pomegranate. I lay the mirror down and kneel beside it, smashing open the pomegranate. I investigate my mirror image. I smash the mirror. I tear at my clothes, using fragments of the broken mirror to slice and cut away at the fabric. I cover myself in the pomegranate juice. The Talking Heads’ song “Seen and Not Seen” begins to play as I use the fragments of cloth, mirror, and fruit to remake my mask. I then gather up the remains of the performance and carry it out of the space.