The trauma body, arguably also referred to as an abject body, is created by infinite scenarios and can, therefore, have both intimate/personal and universal understanding. The abject body in this performance was represented by 5 lbs of ash. The weight is significant because it is the weight of the average female body when cremated. This is a reference to a period of time, a self, that one wishes to forget.
Throughout the four-hour performance, the ash is held between my shoulders. This is a place where I have experienced physical trauma, and I often find that emotional trauma manifests physically there. The performance consisted of pinching off the ash from between my shoulders and placing it on the floor, organizing it into rows. The ash marks days—2375 days to be exact—the period of time when I experienced emotional and sometimes physical trauma.
Overall, this is a gesture of marking time while holding the abject body which makes its presence known while simultaneously being discarded, lifting the weight of its presence.