“Now I Think I Know Why Beautiful Things Are Difficult” is a series of four performances which deal with existential experience and profound feelings. Every performance focuses on a particular theme—emptiness, memory, expectation, balance—and talks about the interaction of the inner world of the human being with the outer world as represented in concrete objects. I was one of these objects; I was inside and outside, being an acting subject and also the author who created it. Each performance is a ritual which connects the artistic image of the given experience and the individual memories of the spectator. For this purpose, I created artistic performances which have, as a result, instant installations.

1. “Work for the deletion of emptiness”

I am trying to share my feeling of loneliness with spectators. I fill a private space, delimited by scotch tape, with pumpkin seeds.

1. “Memories are bullets”

I put bullets on my palms, stand on tiptoe, raise my hands, close my eyes and begin moving from the beginning of a mirror up to the end. Because of closed eyes, my path isn’t straight—it reminds me of a confused dance. It ends when one of my arms can no longer stay aloft.

1. “As long as suspense could persist”

I begin with smooth, regular breathing, which becomes broken as I wind rope around myself and bind flowers to myself. When the rope is exhausted, I take its end and hold it, trying to stay like this as long as I can stand. As soon as I feel that I can`t anymore, I begin to free myself from the rope. Once free, I lie and catch my breath again, listening to its sound transmitted through an acoustic system—it turns out that it sounds like the evening sea.

1. “Lightness, hardness, what`s better?”

I use a ladder and a kind of wood board to construct a balance. I place a white wing on the left side and a stone on the right. I balance there, hanging on the board, waiting for the limit of my patience.