A sectioned off space in the end of a canteen was used and painted bright pink. The piece was based on a recurring dream I had at the time. In the said dream I am performing fellatio on a man, either someone I know, a past lover, a complete stranger or someone else. At first the dreams started off strange and confusing, but after a while they became haunting and irritating. My idea behind using this ‘act’ in a live performance comes from my notion of performance as a therapeutic and healing process, a search for catharsis and triumph over certain issues.

The dream sees myself performing fellatio in an extreme manner, the person’s penis seeming to go far down inside me, almost becoming part of my small body. I was left feeling ambivalent about my feelings for the dreams. Did I enjoy these dreams or did I want them to stop? They felt unusual because I knew that in my real, conscious life I could not make this extreme act possible in an identical manner. So, in planning to use this in a conscious, non-dormant performance, it became a quest to conquer a futile action, an action that was easy in sleep. I used phallic shaped objects as tools.

The objects were different forms and sizes, mainly cosmetic bottles. An audio track was used in the performance, made from recording thoughts after a sexual encounter—a time when rich thoughts come out with a clear mind, where there is a need to verbalize quickly and reflect, a moment when epiphanies seem to happen and where I can capture something raw. I remain curious as to what the piece really says about myself, society or life, but I hope that it does say something of substance.